An oldie but goodie…here is a little story about the making of one of my favorite paintings, “Sincerely, ABANDONED”. I wrote this last year and shared it with my substack community, but I’ve decided to share it here as well. It is written in present tense, but the work was made almost exactly a year ago.

Enjoy!

In the beginning of the summer, my husband and I bought an old house and moved in with our kids, pets, and belongings. We were excited about a new chapter in our life, a new beginning, to put down roots and create a safe place for our kids to grow up.

During this time I was unable to create any work in the studio. Not surprisingly, considering it was in shambles from the move! After a few weeks, I had to ease into painting again, I felt like I didn’t have any ideas or any inspiration. I started with simples sketches and master studies; they seemed like an easy way to get back into my art practice without expectations.

Then, one day, I was watching my kids painting pictures while sprawled on the studio floor, and I felt so inspired! They were so carefree and playful, and that’s what I needed in my studio practice. I needed to play, explore, and not worry so much.

I had three big canvases given to me by my friend and my daughter asked if she could paint a picture on one. At first, I said no (because I needed them for upcoming paintings, obviously). But then I thought it would be a great idea to collaborate with my kids by allowing them to create something on the first layer, and I would paint an image over it!

The goal with this collection was to be free, playful, to explore, to be creative and let myself just…have fun. I wanted to bring child-like energy into my work.

I had three reference images in mind, and after my kids had their fun, I got started.

The first and second paintings went pretty well (you can read about this one here), but the third one was different.

I became frustrated with the last painting, it just wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do. I had an image in my head but felt like my hands couldn’t make the brushes and paint do what I needed. Have you ever felt that way with a piece?

I wanted to give up. A few times.

In the past I have ripped up paintings and drawings that weren’t going my way….quite angrily, to be honest.

But this time I didn’t.

I stared at the images on the canvas for hours. I also had to walk away multiple times to allow myself space to think and consider the images I was painting. I called friends and mentors and spoke to my husband about it. I cried, a little.

Eventually, I realized that I had become too serious, I lost the whole concept of the piece; to play and explore. I needed to let go of the expectation I had in my head and get back to having fun again. Easier said than done!

I’m happy to say, however, that I released some of the frustration and became more and more focused on the color harmony of the painting rather than the figures and realism. In the end, I came back to play.

I fell in love with complimentary colors and how I can make the painting sort of “dance” when I put certain colors next to each other. The painting became less about the subject matter and more about the act of painting itself.

So, I guess I had some fun after all…

I decided to name the painting “Sincerely, Abandoned” after a quote I love by Leonardo Da Vinci and a Worship song I love to listen to by Benjamin William Hastings.

I think, overall, this painting is probably the most controversial (to me) that I’ve made in my career, and has taught me the biggest lesson. I honestly feel like this entire series of work (three paintings all together) has been a catapult into my future as an artist. I was able to combine my love for abstract expressionism with my love for impressionist figurative and narrative work and all of my study of portraiture into one. I brought in multiple mediums and learned how the oil paint interacts with graphite, marker, pastel, and acrylic.

I learned that if I want to bring in an element of realism, I have to plan for it.

I think there is a fine line between playing and experimenting with new techniques, elements, mediums and styles while maintaining what you already know to be good and true in your personal practice.

Not everything works.

Not everything goes as planned.

And fun can end up becoming your worst nightmare! Oops…

It’s all in the game though! Worth every second of it.

I look at this painting now and I no longer feeling angry or frustrated. I am proud of it, actually, and proud of myself too. I love the brush strokes and the colors. I can see the tension in the areas I struggled the most. But there is still open space throughout the painting where I can breathe again when my eyes move along the canvas.

I can’t wait to see how this painting speaks to future work. I have so many exciting plans, ways I’d like to experiment and play, but while maintaining the knowledge and lessons I’ve learned as a self-taught artist over the years.

“Sincerely, Abandoned” will always be a reminder to who I am as an artist, a connection between past, present, and future.

I didn’t give up when it got difficult.

I just…let it be what it was meant to be.

And then let go.

With a handshake,

Spencer

Below:

The final finished painting of Sincerely, ABANDONED and some pictures of the painting in progress.